Young Adult: A Postscript on Narcissism

I remember hating my first semester of English Literature class for one main reason–I thought it was impossible to know the mind of an author. Week after week, It was sheer torture to be asked to write about WHY an author of a story wrote what he/she wrote, or WHAT MESSAGE he/she desired to convey. Thankfully, by the start of my second semester of Lit class, I came to understand that not only can you actually get to know the mind of an author, but it’s actually the WHOLE POINT of reading stories. True authors want their readers (or watchers in the case of movies) to “get” their message and to strive to understand what they’re trying to communicate. Stories can be enjoyed, but they are also designed to provoke thought and shape the way we see the world.

That’s what drives what we do here at Reel Thinking. We try to understand the message of a particular movie and see how that story can (or cannot) be illuminated by Scripture. Now, once in awhile, we actually have the privilege of hearing from our authors and screenwriters regarding the message of their movie. Well, lo and behold, after finishing the first post on the recent release, Young Adult, I had the chance to hear these words from Diablo Cody (author of Young Adult with the best pen name ever):

“I feel like I’m part of a generation of people who are stuck in the past and are really self-absorbed. I mean, we’re actually taking pictures of ourselves and posting them on Facebook, and keeping in touch with people that should have been out of our lives 15 years ago. Obsessing over who’s getting married, who’s having kids, who’s more successful. It’s like we’re recreating high school every single day using social media. And it’s weird.”

In another interview, Cody went on to explain that her lead character Mavis’ narcissism repelled her until she realized that there was a lot of Mavis in her too. This led her to the conclusion that in many ways, this entire generation is made up of narcissists, revealed by the obsession with social media.

Narcissism is nothing new. People have been self-absorbed and self-focused since Adam and Eve. But, something is relatively new: The elevation of self-love to a virtue from its historical status as vice. Thanks to the modern self-esteem psychologies, narcissism is a cultural epidemic rather than a limited personality disorder. Most psychologists would vehemently deny that the last 5o or so years of self-esteem doctrine has brought us to this place. But, they just ignoring the logical consequences of their worldviews. When you believe the problem with society is that people don’t love themselves enough, then the solution is to convince people how loveable they really are. Then, when society in general (after all of these years of training) actually starts to believe it, you have the inescapable consequence of narcissism.

But why are there so many professing Christians entrapped by the sin of narcissism? Christianity has historically been all about self-denial, self-abasement, the love of Christ rather than self. We must lay some of the blame at the feet of the modern Church. Its embrace of self-esteem psychologies over the years has influenced many people in the pews. Scripture twisting of the Great Commandment has been used repeatedly to convince Christians that you must learn to love self in order to fully love Jesus and others. Blame can also be assigned to Christian parents who have shaped their parenting around self-esteem excesses rather than the love of Jesus Christ. Again, it is easier to believe that our children just need to “believe in themselves” more instead of seeing them as sinners who need to deny themselves more. And, of course, our own sinful hearts are to blame. The cultural narcissism cloaked in the self-esteem movement would never have caught on if it didn’t resonate in our inner selves. We would all rather think highly of ourselves and look down on others. Gazing on our own reflection makes us feel better about ourselves, which feels better than the alternative.

Isn’t it time for a new generation to reject this distortion of self? How refreshing it is, when every once in a while, I meet a young person who is actually denying self in order to love Christ and other people. In God’s providence, I met a young 20-something couple like that this weekend. And I have been praising the Lord ever since for His grace that draws us from the muck of self to the love of God. Let’s stop receating high school, and grow in the school of Jesus (Ephesians 4:20-24).

Young Adult: Everyone gets old…not everyone grows up

The movie poster to the left certainly fulfills the old saying: “A picture is worth a thousand words.” But let’s put some words with the picture anyway, by way of the synopsis of the new “dramedy” Young Adult: “Soon after her divorce, a fiction writer returns to her home in small-town Minnesota, looking to rekindle a romance with her ex-boyfriend, who is now married with kids (IMDB).” Sounds like wholesome family viewing, doesn’t it?

Director Jason Reitman (son of Ivan Reitman, director of the classic Ghostbusters) has made a few interesting films on the subject of “growing up.” In his movie Juno, a 16 year-old has to grow up quickly when she finds herself pregnant out of wedlock. In the movie Up in the Air, George Clooney plays a middle-age man who has never grown up, staying “in the air” literally and relationally. Now, the young Reitman’s newest film chronicles a “young adult” who is neither young nor an adult. She has become older (age 36), but has never grown up.

Now it’s bad enough to be treated to a slew of movies about irresponsible high schoolers or immature college kids year after year. But the latest trend seems to be films depicting grown adults acting like immature and irresponsible teenagers. Sure, we can understand stories about middle-age adults going through mid-life crises. But these recent movies (Hangover, Grown Ups, etc.), including Young Adult, introduce us to characters in their 20’s and 30’s who simply never matured past high school. They acted like utter fools in high school, even more foolish in their fraternities and sororities, and are now seemingly permanently stuck in their folly as adults.

There is no question that immaturity in adults makes for great, mindless comedy (my personal favorite: Dumb and Dumber). But unfortunately, these stories are reflecting a troubling trend in American culture. Cue the history lesson music! Up until just over a century ago, there were only two recognized “major” life stages: childhood and adulthood. Nearly every culture had a defining moment/rite where a child entered adulthood (i.e. the Bar Mitzvah). Then, thanks to a couple of psychologists who shall remain nameless, we had the invention of “adolescence” (circa 1900) where older children could remain foolish and rebellious until between the ages of 18 and 21. Then, they finally emerged as adults. But today, developmental psychologists are pushing for a fourth major life stage that some have labeled “emerging adulthood.” The addition of this stage pushes back “true” adulthood until at least the age of 30! Thus, according to this new stage theory, the social scientific gurus are openly declaring that it is unrealistic for us to expect our “young adults” to act as real, mature adults.

So in this paradigm, it makes total sense for Mavis (Charlize Theron), the bum-like heroine of Young Adult, to see her high school flame’s new baby on a social networking site and commit herself to breaking up his marriage. Rekindling their love for each other is such a realistic fantasy. Can’t you see…it’s just high school all over again! Add to that immoral, irresponsible behavior her foul language, self-centeredness, regular drunkenness, and yep, we’ve really never moved past high school. You may have not met someone exactly like Mavis, but I guarantee you know some 30-something that is still living like an adolescent!

Unfortunately, Young Adult also brings to light another related and more troubling trend in our society: Adults reconnecting with high school sweethearts through social media sites like Facebook. We counselors are seeing more and more cases (even in the church) of adulterous affairs between old flames that started innocently with “friending” on Facebook. I wouldn’t go so far to tell you that Facebook is hazardous to your marriage; yet, I think it is wise to resist the impulse to add old teenage girlfiends or boyfriends to your “friends” list!

This leads us to the main theological question of this movie: What is true maturity? What makes the difference between just getting older and truly growing up? The Apostle Paul teaches us the Biblical process of maturity: “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.” (Colossians 1:28) True maturity begins when we begin a relationship with Jesus Christ, continues as we are immersed in the gospel, and it is ultimately marked by a life of wisdom. And we know from the Book of Proverbs that wisdom is grounded in the fear of God. Thus, the main reason we are seeing the growing trend of delayed adulthood is not because of increased brain problems or some deep psychological issues, but because of “heart” problems. As the past several generations have moved their hearts away from the Lord Jesus, they have produced more and more immaturity in their lives.

In Young Adult, Mavis’ sinful heart and body “matured” over the years, leading her to believe that it was okay to break up a marriage to fulfill her own fantasies. In other words, her inner evil heart had ripened and matured because her thinking was stuck in childhood. This reminds me of the Apostle Paul’s exhortation in I Corinthians 14:20, “Brothers, do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature.” While growing up may not be as fun (or funny) than remaining in a permanent state of irresponsilibity; growing to maturity is the only way to glorify God and enjoy Him forever!